So I really, really didn’t want my first ever blog post to be about heartaches and breaks, but alas, it is what it is. I’ve been putting this whole thing off, thinking that writing material would just come to me one day, preferably while lounging around in a grassy field or during a beautiful dream. But no, that is not my life; it’s messy, predictable (well I guess not really!), and not at all exciting. So instead of receiving a brilliant idea from the cosmos, the thought came to me while sitting on my couch, deconstructing the ridiculous amounts of soul bearing texts I just sent, with Kings of Leon on the DVR in the background. I basically just said, “screw it, I’m just going to write.” Now I’m not saying that having KOL on at this moment isn’t influencing me, because that would be a total lie—it’s more of a subconscious beat in my brain, urging me to carry on. Music has always had a way of bringing my most hidden feelings into focus and to the surface. It makes me cry on a regular basis. Lame.
So yes, like most young-ish people today, I have gotten stuck in the vicious cycle that is saying waaaay too much via text. It’s something that I can’t stand, yet can’t stop myself from doing. Even in my present situation, I tried to call and leave a heartfelt message, but upon not receiving a call back in what I judged to be an appropriate time frame (I’m impatient as all hell and so less than 24 hours was more than adequate!), what did I do? I sent a text—a funny, light-hearted one about the upcoming rapture. And now, hours and hours later, I’m mulling over the fury of texts sent between both parties, all of which should have been spoken (preferably in person), not written. Nothing this serious should be texted about. I needed the comfort of a face, a café table, and either a comforting cuppa tea or a stiff microbrew. But again, it is what it is, things have been spoken, but peace has not been made. I think that is my biggest issue with texting—usually someone is left hanging, someone decides that the last text sent to them was enough info, or that they want to stop talking, and so they don’t text back. Or that tone/context can be misunderstood and misconstrued so easily when reading a message containing 160 characters. Infuriating, yet so addicting.
The drama that unfolded to create the wave of texts is cinematic in scope, and would make even the most stereotypical Judd Apatow flick swoon. I would absolutely LOVE to divulge the oh-so funny and dirty details, but the wounds are still fresh, and for those who were party to this, um, party, it really wasn’t that funny at the time. Maybe one day when the statutes of limitations on every one’s feelings are up, but not quite yet. Let’s just leave it at hilarious tragedy, tragedy that caused me to lose a best friend, a great co-worker, an ex, and an incredible guy who I didn’t even get a chance to really get to know.
I also lost a sense of security and a sense of self. I thought that by being an overly caring person (to a fault) that I would be the best person I could be—both to myself and to those around me. Now I’m acutely aware that my reasoning is flawed. I can only hope now that by being honest (to both myself and to others), even when it hurts but is necessary, I can be a better person. This. Is. Going. To. Be. Difficult.
So enough of the dramas of my life at the moment… I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a long time, and after mulling it over in my head for a while, I decided that after I became single once again, that I would take the plunge. I want this little lady to be many things—a look into my quirky style, my boring (hopefully from here on out!) life, a little bit of vegan cooking and baking, the craziness of caring for foster cats, and a tiny bit of complete random-ness. Also I want to get crack-a-lacking on taking more photos (that don’t have to do with work). So here goes, after boring the world (ha!) to death with my ramblings, my blog has officially and ridiculously began. Pow!
