Song by Bloc Party
"If I could do it again
I'd make more mistakes
I'd not be so scared of falling"
The first time I watched (500) Days of Summer, I really thought that Summer was pretty much a bitch. Well over a year after that first viewing, and with some more life experience under my belt, I watched it again and I have to say that I can totally and completely identify with her now. True, she might have lead Tom on a bit, but she did say that she didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend, that things were casual, and that she didn't believe in love.
While I definitely DO believe in love, I am in Summer's pretty much exact frame of mind right now. I'm not ready to be someone's girlfriend. I had a somewhat rocky long term relationship that ended even rockier in March, I dated someone briefly since then who turned out to be extremely good at concealing EVERYTHING and because I was still in somewhat of a fragile state, I let myself get taken advantage of. I was confused and angry and frustrated for a while, and now that that is subsiding, it is being replaced by numbness. Not sure what is worse, feeling terrible, or not feeling anything.
The other day could have been the perfect day. It was filled with all of the things that I like to do, and I was so excited to go, but it just didn't feel the way I wanted it to. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not ready. I'm all for casual and fun, but when I start thinking about the future and potential and what comes next, I shut down. Being a planner by nature, this confounds me. I tried to plan out my life for years, and if there's anything I learned from my 3 year relationship is that planning things for the future doesn't make current problems go away. I also learned that it's time for me to recreate myself as one person, not as me and "him" (whoever that might be).
It's time to stay in the moment, stay present and work on making myself awesome instead of worrying about making myself un-single. That's not to say I'm going to close myself off completely to possibilities, but right now I'm adopting a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" mentality. This should be interesting...
Speaking of pants...
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| Top: Target, Blazer: Macy's, Jeans: Gap, Shoes: Payless, Belt: Thrifted, Necklace: Two's Company, Bracelet: Forever 21 |
Great picture of your shoes! I feel like my shoes are always the last thing to stand out in a photo! I also love the layered necklaces!
ReplyDeleteGreat shoes! Great jeans! I really liked 500 Days of Summer. That's the type of movie that stays with you for a couple of days. I've been Summer before and I've been Tom. Both suck. The first time I saw it I wrestled with calling my "Tom" for days and decided that was a bad idea. :) I should watch that movie again. I found it at a flea market on DVD for $1. I love finding cheap DVD's.
ReplyDeleteLeigh - Thanks! I think these are probably my favorite item of all 30! They are super comfy and for being so cheap, they get double points!
ReplyDeleteElle - I too have been both Summer and Tom. They do both kind of suck, maybe the best is to be somewhere in between haha!